I just finished my first year of graduate school and I'm feeling pretty lumpy; meaning I want to be a lump in my bed. Sometimes it feels like all I need is a break and some nothingness to let myself go into, just sink in and breathe again. This time, I feel like an empty vessel, squeezed vacant of all of my necessary-ness. To go from busy to nothing when you hate the busy is refreshing, to go from busy to nothing when you love the busy is lumpy causing. I worked as a TA and IA this year within a Community College Level Learning Community, was a full time student, did yoga, went to the gym regularly and made a poor attempt at keeping up with my friends back on the East Coast. Now school's over, work's over and I need several grand I don't have to make it through the summer. I was listening to a speech by Rick Wolff this morning, clenching my fists at his explanation as to why our economy has gone to crud and smiling at his familiar and comical way of speaking. He made it sound so simple. Of course our economy was doomed. We were selling debt. Of course we were going to fall on our faces after our booming financial success from overpaid employers selling debt to underpaid employees. I don't really think of myself as being driven by money, more by love and passion, but I am not all together deluded- I do know that I need money. Then I got to thinking more about what Wolff was saying, about the state of things today, about the war in Iraq that isn't ending and about the way some of us still act like douche-bags when it comes down to it. (as a nation that is) For instance, I keep hearing these commercials advertising an adult summer camp in Las Vegas that are ridiculous in their insinuations of "adult" fun as well as the likening of this escapade to a "summer camp" and its deluded promotion of youth obsession, but today's commercial took the cake. The commercial I heard today was recorded in a false russian accent, the spokeswoman falling in and out of her poor impression and went something like "I come to America with dreams of being camp counselor, but I am told I am too sexy for camp counselor, but not at Las Vegas adult summer camp." She actually said, "My name is Svetlanda!" It was horrific. However, I am hopeful that there is just as much hope and love in the world to balance out the douche-bagery. Recently, I went to an end of the year celebration at an Oakland bar called EASY and on the wall was carved the last lines of my favorite book, Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God: She pulled in her horizon like a great fish-net. Pulled it from around the waist of the world and draped it over her shoulder. So much of life in its meshes!"A friend of mine recently told me that in Korean, Zora means Shell. I recently rescued a kitten from my friend's engine after she rode 15 minutes inside of it and singed her top whiskers. In a time where liberation and fate are dearly needed and appreciated, I named her Zora. I ran out of wet food and fed her dry yesterday and when I went to go to sleep, she attacked my head and feet alternately all night in disapproval. It's seems that she came to me at a perfect time; my little high maintenance inspiration.
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1 comment:
I miss you, Gina!
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